After Christmas Diet Poem

I know, I know!! [img]images/smiley_icons/lol2.gif[/img] This is either 'way too early or 'way too late but there are so many of us dieting now that I had to post it! Found this on the web on one of the church sites:



Diet Poem



Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste

At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.



When I got on the scales there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared -

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,

And the way I had never said, "No thank you, please."



As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt -

I said to myself (as only I can),

"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So away with the last of the sour cream dip!

Get rid of the fruit cake, each cracker and chip!

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

'Til all the additional ounces have vanished.



I won't have a cookie - not even a lick!

I'll want only to chew on a celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits or cornbread or pie.

I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore.

But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot -

Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet!



<font color="red">HERE'S ANOTHER ONE:</font>







Diet Poem



Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips



were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.





Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care



in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.





While Ma in her my girdle and I in chin straps,



had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.





When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter,



I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.





Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,



tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.





The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow,



sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.





When what to my wandering eyes should appear:



a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!





That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick,



I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick





The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer!



I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear,





On Pritzker, on Stillman, on Weak One, on TOPS,



a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.





From the top of the scales to the top of the hall,



now dash away pounds, now dash away all.





Dressed up in Lane Bryant from head to nightdress,



my clothes were all bulging from too much excess.





My droll little mouth and my round little belly,



they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.





I spoke not a word but went straight to my work,



ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk





And laying a finger beside my heartburn



I gave a quick nod and toward the bedroom I turned





I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry



if temptation's removed' I'll get thin by and by





And I mumbled again as I turned for the night



in the morning I'll starve...'til I take that first bite!