25 Things You Should Know by Middle Age

1.. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.



2.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.



3.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing

in a garage makes you a car.



4.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.



5.. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never

tried before.



6.. The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance.



7.. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.



8.. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.



9.. For every action, there's an equal and opposite government program.



10.. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.



11.. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.



12.. A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.



13.. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.



14.. Men are from Earth; women are from Earth; deal with it.



15.. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.



16.. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.



17.. Middle Age is when the broad mind and the narrow waist change

places.



18.. Opportunities always look bigger going away than coming towards

you.



19.. Junk is something you've kept for years only to throw away three

weeks before you need it.



20.. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.



21.. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a

mistake when you make it again.



22.. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.



23.. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.



24.. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real

world.



25.. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.